April
30, 2005
whats keeping you alive
what is keeping us all alive? there is a lot of talk about projection
-- how people will project all kinds of shit upon you, harass and torment
you -- total strangers -- the streets are not safe -- how do we keep it
all in place? i have a co-worker, A, who talks to me about people who
fuck with her in public spaces about her weight. I ask her:
if its mostly men or women
- it's both.
Mostly younger or older folks?
- all kinds
How do you combat it?
- mostly by ignoring it but sometimes it causes me to get enraged.
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the girl at the coffee shop screeched as soon as i walked in "oh
my god, what an amazing pink outfit! is this something you do a lot? it's
great! just great!"
i stifle my need to make my tea order
"well, yeah actually i am in the throes of a performance piece where
i wear pink everyday for a year."
"no shit!" she exclaims loudly
"no....no shitting you"
"wow... i knew someone in high school who only wore green. no. no
it was like more like teal - she wore teal everyday. it was really neat
actually."
I didn't know what to say to that so i just said
"hmmm...cool."
"well good luck on your performance. do you know what you want?"
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i miss you, precious sunny days, please come back to me! new york needs
you!
April 29,
2005
The skin you're in....
The Lambda Literary Award reading last night went really well - I met
a wonderful writer there named Susan Stinson whose book Venus of Chalk
is up for a Lammy. She commented on my Year In Pink telling me that even
some friends in London were checking out my blog and watching it all unfold.
We began to talk about the experience and I explained to her how this
is changing my perception of "passing" in the world - it took
me years to finally pass as a man - and yet when i got there i realized
- the skin might help me become more of who i wanted to see (on the outside)
but it left me, at times, in need of seeing other skins. I have come to
the conclusion that no skin is exactly right for me.. and wearing pink
over and over again has helped me to see that people will continue to
put there own tags upon you no matter what. Susan happened to have a very
good looking beard and although it is a simple thought it still hits me
with great force....i can now "pass" with ease - be a man on
the streets - grow a beard and look like a dude and have little trouble
- but i think i get sick of that...i think i wanted to up the ante a little
bit.... not that i never got harassed before wearing pink - i do not follow
gender rules and restrictions and many times have been called a fag on
the streets, amongst other sundry remarks, but for the most part feel
safe in this skin. Seeing Susan wearing her beard proudly made me so happy
and made me want to wear pink in solidarity with folks like her who are
outwardly unlike the norm and who probably get a decent amount of harassment.
So today I wear pink for all of those people out there who don't "pass"
- who don't fit the norms - who walk proud with strong conviction about
who they are and don't give a shit what people will say....
and while you're here why dont you check out a recipe for meatless chili
- Yumm!
--MD
hearts...
here is sady sullivan: gemini / sexy / great dancer / lover of plants
Sadycashand good cash handler...as you can see.
and here is a photo
of me and my friend Abby. Go make fun cut outs and take photos of your
friends with them!
Abbymorty
April 28,
2005
wearing pink in the queerest place in new york
Today i have a reading at the gay, les, bi, trans center for the Lambda
Literary Award nominees - my book called From the Inside Out, FTM and
Beyond is nominated so I am very excited. Of course wearing pink at the
Center doesn't seem like such a stretch does it?
What I would really like to have is a really nice pink suit - if anyone
out there is reading this that can help procure a small mans pink suit
let me know.
Officially wearing pink - I was reading about these two guys that call
themselves Andrew Andrew - they go around wearing exactly the same clothes
and do the same stuff and actually are making a living being these sort
of twins-about-town. It states in the article that these guys don't actually
do anything and yet they got hired by Jimmy Choo to like give opinions
on shoe trends....
Which made me wonder, will there come a time when someone will want to
pay me because I was the guy "wearing all pink for a year" ???????
--MD
Comments
no
Posted by: leopold krist | April 29, 2005 at 05:20 PM
April 27,
2005
How to attack an owners manual
To attack someone it takes a real follow through - i mean you have to
be in it to fucking win it you know? the laughter is one thing - the laughter
actually has become the number one way i know how to control myself -
i hear someone laugh at me and i turn around (its usually done behind
my back) and laugh back. i am a sad fucking guy in pink and i admit it
- i am distressed and confused - what you might ask is the problem? well
- there are probably a few things going on - pink having sometimes little
to do with my neurosis - or is it? i have upped my stress level - i went
to the doctor today who said my blood pressure was a little higher than
normal - and i have never been told that before....could wearing pink
be a health threat? I'm sure to some degree it is, but for now its gone
too far for me to stop - i cant just end the performance piece because
of discomfort - hell that's exactly what i should have expected! no, no
- there is no stopping this train. i want to be in it for the long haul
- i must wear pink till the end of the year - and i really don't think
its going to kill me - just damage me a little.
April 25,
2005
wearing pink and the pictures to prove it
Morty1yes this is me today - tired and hungry - but wearing pink dammit!!its
exciting - yay!!
Morty_1i have thought of my next performance - and its an everyone get
involved piece -- its going to be a night of dancing at my favorite bar
the COCK - and everyone that comes has to wear pink! i'll make refreshments
that can get served (in secret) and fun little prizes!!
more later -- till then ---
Comments
distance doesn't make me stupid. i KNOW where you took those pictures.
my memory is strong. ha ha ha ha ha.
Posted by: amelia | April 26, 2005 at 05:59 PM
April 24,
2005
a broken record
yes another day that i decided not to wear pink -- am i losing my audience
here? well - yeah i am losing touch with this performance piece i need
some encouragement! i have let this fear eat me and now i am crumbling
around it --- so tomorrow --- please give me your blessings as i get up
and make the decision to wrap myself in pink or not ....
Comments
Keep up the pink work! Now its Spring and all the boys of summer are
going to be with you! I see pink everywhere!
Posted by: Tavia | April 26, 2005 at 10:15 PM
April 23,
2005
just so that you understand
its really fucking hard to wear pink all day everyday... i am NOT complaining
its just that i have been taking a break and now people are almost angry
with me - they think its laziness or a lack of drive to do this performance
and really its the exact opposite! I want to do this performance piece
right - and for me that means figuring out everyday - every single day
- how i feel about wearing pink - and my mental state of mind is all apart
of this - if i decide to wear pink or not is still, for me, being in the
performance - i am very conscious of what i am doing - - whats NEXT --
is a night to share in the opportunity to wear head to toe pink -- another
public event -- i will post tomorrow -- its rainy in NYC...
April 22,
2005
jump into the fire
ahhh - am going to wash all of my pink clothes today and start again ...as
hesitant as i feel right now i just cant *stop* altogether. i am going
to teach a workshop at toys in babeland called Trans Sexuality: How Trans
People Fuck - and i have been doing a lot of research -- i mean i am trans
but i cant figure out how each and everyone one of us likes to have sex
- being trans or gender variant there are just too many variables - some
are post-op some are never going under the knife - some take hormones
but are on a low dose some are at the highest dose possible and all of
these things affect our sexuality, our self image, and our bodies. So
the workshop must address all of these variables - and that means a bit
more research on my part.
- or course I can talk about sex toys forever - I've been working at toys
in babeland for over a year and a half - sex toys...they are like old
friends now, like a regular part of my visual landscape. and then a customer
will say "wow it must be so titillating to be working at a sex toy
store" .... well....not really. but it's fun for sure! titillating,
no.
April 21,
2005
violence - no pink
I have not been wearing pink for the last few days - I got news that a
friend of mine that was visiting new york for the mix festival was beaten
with a tire iron in brooklyn. i have not spoken to him directly but i
hear he does not have a clue as to why he got beaten. i know stuff like
this happens all the time and there is sometimes no real reason why you
get fingered out by a group of thugs...sometimes its just that they want
to mug but then it becomes worse than getting your wallet stolen....i
don't know but it just started to make me frightened to wear pink. i know
i know this is all apart of the performance - going through life being
scared shitless - being an obvious target - but is it worth it?
Ok lets spell all this out
YES this is a living performance piece that occurs at all moments of my
life
YES I knew that there was going to be a certain amount of safety issue
YES a big part of this performance piece is facing these fears of looking
obviously different
YES - after hearing of my friend getting beaten very badly it made me
reevaluate what I was doing
--- Am I getting weak? Not willing to go through with the rest of this
performance piece? But I have all this pink clothing! I'm awash in the
fear of physical violence... and then sometimes it just occurs no matter
what you're wearing....
April 19,
2005
the new blog! the new morty!
yes yes yes i am BACK back to blogging officially back from the Mix Festival
craziness -- AND IT FEELS GOOD
lets see ... i worked all of the mix festival in pink - I have not had
any (knock hard on wood) public altercations... there have been the requisite
yells and laughs..
but its all been sweet sailing lately
i realized that i have been awful at documentation of my year in pink
so that's something i want to get started on --- i performed a piece around
my year in pink and alas ..forgot to tell people to take photos ..not
happy about that ... but sometimes in my heart things are just there to
experience and to remember them is enough.
but this living performance piece is something that i want to live on
past just this blog -- which is the only way i have been documenting so
far...
ahhh but today people i am NOT wearing pink -- i have to have to go a
few days without it -- thats a big part to this performance. I am not
feeling sexy in pink - its as simple as that ... and if I don't feel sexy
then i start to feel ...well depressed a bit -
so today i have on red jeans and a black t shirt and i feel good -- but
tomorrow it will be a pink day -
ok more later -- as always ---
morty
Comments
today is my birthday. happy birthday to me and your no-pink day. red
& black suits you my friend. see you soon maybe. xoxoxo.
Posted by: amelia | April 20, 2005 at 12:44 PM
April 10,
2005
cupcakes and coreography
the mix festival is going well - and being in pink has been a great way
to meet people that i might have otherwise not met. a lot of festival
goers are saying "your pink really stands out." and when i tell
them what i am doing many are delighted and start to ask me things like
"do you wear all shades of pink?" -- yes i do but prefer a light
pastel..
its a lot of fun. tonight is the performance night -- and i am sort of
unprepared but have decided that the part where i speak in the performance
i will mostly ad-lib. i know what i want to say it just needs to come
out of my mouth..and i dont care really how it comes out...that part of
the piece is just talking about my experiences but in a very slow methodic
way - then i eat 20 pink cupcakes... then dance...
the mix festival is almost over...many months of hard work culminating
to this week....and its been good.
Comments
morty- your piece made me laugh and really happy. i think it may have
been my favorite part of the evening. hope you had fun.
thanks for hooking a poor girl up.
xoxo
alicia
Posted by: alicia | April 11, 2005 at 10:48 PM
April 06,
2005
So your wondering right?
Where the hell I've been and not blogging and forgetting that I am IN
a performance piece everyday! Well... this has been harder than anyone
could have ever imagined -- the Mix Festival ball got rolling and it got
bigger and bigger until it became a huge monolithic beast -- and at that
point I had to put off thinking pink -- but here it is! the mix fest!
it starts tomorrow!! MIXXX FESTIVAL! and I am really hoping everyone can
come and support this wonderful queer / trans fest...and the weather is
nice all of a sudden so no excuses!~
YAAY!! -- OK -- on Sunday April 10th @ 8pm this is the shit you need to
go see - its the performance night that I put together and yes I am performing
a piece titled....MY YEAR IN PINK -- At Anthology Film Archives in the
east village on Second Avenue @ 2nd Street
OK - but after the festival -- thats when I move back into my pink state
of mind -- so new york beware.
big love -- mortakai
Comments
Remember Big hugs?
Posted by: leopold | April 09, 2005 at 08:53 PM
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