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June
30, 2005
I feel mangled
Well I do a little bit. Here are some thoughts:
I had an awful nightmare last night that consisted of me taking the form
of a man who happened to kill people for their skin. Yes, very Hannibal
Lecture, but in the dream I was roaming this beautiful island walking
around as waterfalls and sunny beaches lay before me. Ok it was a totally
strange and fucked up dream that I woke up from in a cold sweat and so
today I feel mangled from it. What is it with dreams, are they really
trying to tell us something about ourselves? If so, what would a dream
of being a murderous psychopath mean?
I woke today and put on my pink outfit and felt very alone.
I see very keenly why people shop at Old Navy. It's not just that the
clothes are cheap and easy to find, it's also that these people have a
desire to all look alike. Wouldn't you say most people in the world do
not care about what they wear? I feel that apart from the cost of clothing
the vast majority of people just want plain clothes. Plain: no nonsense,
easy to wear, average folk type clothes, no loud colors please. There
is a desire to "fit in" to look normal to BLEND. That's why
0ld Navy is so hugely popular, they are the blenders of century!
To me that's a statement in itself. Would someone care to wager a bet
with me that Old Navy has no PINK clothing in it's stores for men? Now,
I've never gone into an Old Navy store but now I feel as though I have
to just to prove this point.
But not Abercrombie and Fitch! They DO sell pink men's shirts!But...we
all know that all the men that shop at A & F are gay! So it doesn't
count.
June 29, 2005
one more thing
By not letting myself off the hook one day and wear pink, even if it's
one non-pink day a month, is completely changing the performance. It shows
a real commitment and what comes with that is deeper understanding...of
so many things. Suffice to say I don't feel like myself anymore....
June 29, 2005
learning to be submissive
Today I am feeling totally submissive to this performance. I am letting
the performance take control of me, lead me to places that I would not
usually take myself under "normal" circumstances. Today I was
sitting on my friends bed that happens to be swathed in pink sheets. I
sit there and admire from my vantage point what I must look like when
J. comes in talking on her cell and saying to the caller "Morty looks
perfectly hilarious sitting on my bed!"
Why did that mean so much to me? I guess because I am not looking like
what I usually look like, physically or mentally. I am captivated by those
few seconds that,to me, are a big part of the performance. Being thrust
into this look, this appearance.
I feel these are the moments I am "performing" by merely sitting
on a friends bed.
Now it could just be hormones or the weather but I have been having deep
emotional issues today.
For the first time I have an understanding of this performance as an act
of giving up in a severe, but important way. I understand the concept
of giving yourself little room for choice so that one may learn something
from that experience. It is a lot like bottoming / submission. Letting
go, giving yourself to the experience in totality, and that being a gift
you give yourself.
I thought to myself for the first time ever that I would be ready to be
deeply submissive to someone. Maybe not for a year but for a month or
a few months. This performance has made me come to understand the intense
feeling of gratification that comes from being obedient to one thing/person.
So here I am letting you all know...this is going way beyond just the
act of putting on some pink clothes and wearing them all day...
Whoa..I gotta process with myself on this one.
June 29, 2005
I just spent the last few hours trying to link my website myyearinpink.com
to this blog....technology is not really friendly today.
Wearing pink....yes I am wearing it
yes its the same old bullshit
June 28, 2005
plenty hot
my beard is 3 weeks old, it's reeeallly thick and makes me look totally
strange - the beard is totally incongruous to the pink. i know i am doing
that on purpose - i know that the beard is hiding something inside me
- i know that i am using it as a tool against some sort of gay bashing
- the beard makes me look 'tough' and i feel i need it though i look scraggly
and old with it on - come to think of it i am beginning to lose my sense
of what i look like anymore - i know that sounds like an amazingly profound
statement but it's true - wearing the pink is making me forget a few things
about my life - like for instance i used to make statements with the clothes
i wore - what were those statements? i usually wanted to be saying 'i
like color' and 'i wear thrift store clothes' cause i do and prefer used
clothes over new clothes. and i would always put on an outfit that i thought
made me look hot .... it's so strange how 'looking hot' isnt coming from
my outfit choices anymore - i am sure many people think i look plenty
hot in pink but many times i dont feel so hot wearing pink and i'm sure
that shows....
here is a photo of me and kris after the dyke march - i didnt actually
walk in the dyke march except the last maybe 8 blocks....i will put a
few more photos in a photo book titled "gay pride"
June 28, 2005
new respect
so six months into this project has gotten me this - all the men that
sit outside on my block - hanging out in front of the bodega or the thrift
store - they all used to give me weird looks snide remarks yell some shit
about "fag" this and that but now... now i have achieved this
respect - real respect that you get when you become the local weirdo.
'wow that dude wears pink everyday...' the look i see on their faces is
kind and understanding like they finally see that i am just this total
freak who wears pink all the time - and it's never nasty anymore - you'll
never know until you become the neighborhood odd ball what that's like
-
the neighborhood loves their odd balls and it shows. i'm getting smiled
at and nodded at - they nudge each other 'there's mr pink'
fucking cool.
June 28, 2005
thoughts thoughts
it's all those dramatic moments before I have to put on the clothes that
are the worst - this is how it went down today
thoughts to myself start like this
--------i don't want to wear pink today -- alright but i am going to wear
pink today - why am i so against it right now? yes, because in my personal
life i am feeling kind of fucked up - so yes i want to be hidden right
now - and yes pink, even if nobody calls me out on the street or at work,
makes me feel vulnerable to the world around me -- yes, i can see myself
in the reflection of the subway door - yes i feel like a fucking freak
in this outfit today -- but YES i am still wearing it and feel like the
performance is winning over the option to bow out and wear another color
--------
i have achieved a better understanding about outward appearances and how
sometimes you just gotta walk in it even when you don't particularly like
it....
June 23, 2005
this is what i did today....
I wrote and then edited a scene for the next porn movie I am directing...
oh I know it would be torture to not let you get a glimpse as to what
that script looks like so here goes! I'm not usually so quick to put my
shit out there like this but who reads this blog anyway?
oh and constructive criticism is appreciated
Jake and Sara – role playing scene
An afternoon party in someone’s back yard. You see QUEERS of all
sizes, colors and shapes. A bbq is grilling meat and tofu, beer is in
a big bucket, there is a large spread of food. The camera moves across
the peoples faces –
CUT to a cute guy walking down the street carrying two bags of ice (Jake)
CUT back to the party where we see a cute woman chatting with a small
group of people. (Sara)
CUT back to the guy – we follow him with camera over his shoulder
as he enters the bbq and sees the host, a really cute femme woman.
Jake: “Hey.” They kiss on the cheek
“Brought the ice.”
Host: “Great! the bucket is over there…”
We see him filling up the bucket where the beer is.
CUT to Sara chatting with friends – one of her friends looks at
Jake and says to her
“Oh cool it’s Jake..he’s here. I want you to meet him.”
CUT back to Jake – he is finishing up with the ice and has gone
back to talk with the host
Host: “Jake can you tend to the grill while I go pee?”
Jake: “Sure.”
Camera stays with Jake and the grill when we see coming toward him the
woman and her friend.
Friend: “Hey Jake!”
Jake: “What’s up Kris”
We see Jakes eyes immediately focus on the girl next to his friend.
“I’d like you to meet my friend Sara..”
Jakes already got a hot look in his eye over Sara.
Jake: “Hey, nice to meet you.”
Sara: “Yeah, I’ve heard a lot about you…”
We have a time lapse montage of Jake and Sara
Shots:
Jake and Sara talking near the grill
J. and S. getting food on plates and finding a place to sit
Jake and Sara drinking beer and talking in the grass.
This dissolves into Jake sitting on a couch being “interviewed”
Jake “It turned out we had a lot in common.
Shot: Friends around them smiling at them at talking but you don’t
hear what they are saying.
Shot: Jake and Sara looking into each other’s eyes.
Voice Over Jake: “That was the best day of the summer!”
CUT to next scene:
SHOT: Sara opening the door to her bedroom
SHOT Sara addressing the camera but not looking into it
“I want to show you my collection..”
SHOT: Sara opening her closet door
Sara: “I love clothes and acting out fantasies and… ”
Sara shows the camera her large closet full of costumes. We see a cowboy
outfit, a cheerleaders uniform, a nun, a football jersey
A flamenco dress, a sequined dress, etc.
Sara: “what turns me on the most is just being able to get away
from reality and enter a new world that we’ve created…”
Sara: “Jake bought me this..” She is holding up a beautiful
corset.
CUT to next scene
SHOT: We see Jake in his room already looking through the outfits he has
and showing them to us.
Jake: “With Sara it’s like I’ve been able to take my
fantasies to a level that I’ve never gone before. She’s really
into playing and taking over new personas….”
SHOT: Jake in his bedroom pulling out costumes including ninja, mad max
gear, dresses, etc.
Jake: “I really enjoyed this one time where we acted out a western
bar scene – she was the can can dancer and I was the cowboy..it
was really fun…and also really hot.”
CUT to.
Music (good music!) starts to swell
SHOT: Jake and Sara are climbing out of a window and up a ladder to the
roof of a building.
Shot of the two of them on the roof – it is a roof that is very
close to the train
SHOT: the train rushes past behind them as they kiss. They start to kiss
deeper. Sara is laying down and Jake gets on top of her. They make out
really hot and heavy for a few minutes – the music is really integral
to this part.
Sara grabs Jakes shirt and pulls his lips away from her.
Sara (in a really sexy voice): “You know what I really want to do?”
Jake: “Hmmmm”
Sara: “Rip your fucking clothes off…” She gives him
sexy eyes
Jake leans in and kisses and bites her neck
She takes his ear and starts to almost whisper the rest
Sara: “But with something sharp, and dangerous – I wanna….”
But she stops because Jake is biting really nasty on her neck.
Jake: Yeah… (he bites her again) ….tell me more….
Now voice over of Jake and Sara’s voice to dissolve into the sex
scene
Location:
My warehouse space – the space where the scene takes place is very
raw. There are brick walls and wooden floors. Three big windows are against
one wall – these windows are covered in white curtains so the light
comes in well. There is very little in the room – just a chair a
bed. The chair is actually an old barbers chair that can be raised by
a lever at foot level.The bed has black sheets on it.
V.O. Sara: “I’ve got on fishnets and heavy boots…”
The camera SLOWLY pans through a warehouse space that’s very raw
(my house)
We see only a pair of boots and fishnets –
V.O. Sara: “tight skirt.”
Camera pans slowly from the boots and fishnets to a sexy skirt. She is
HOLDING a big sexy pair of scissors.
Then we slowly see Saras face – its staring at something very intensely.
She’s smiling.
V.O. Sara: “you’re tied up…”
Quick cut to Jake tied with RED ROPE to a chair. He also has a RED bandana
in his mouth. No gag in this scene.
****Sara is wearing: Fishnets. Black boots, a tight skirt of leather/rubber.
Halter top. Long gloves. Around her waist is a belt that has a place for
2 pairs of scissors on either side.
*****Jake is wearing: Either a black suit with white dress shirt and black
tie (very Reservoir Dogs) or if we cant find a suit then at least a pair
of black pants (not jeans!) and a black shirt.
Camera makes slow pan of Jake - sexy and restraining against the rope.
Voice Over Sara: “And now I get to tease and taunt you….”
SEX SCENE:
Scene starts with Sara taking a pair of scissors and cutting Jakes hair
a little bit
She takes a different pair of scissors and begins to cut the shirt and/or
jacket that Jake is wearing – starts to lick Jakes exposed chest
Sara stands back so that Jake can see her well – she begins to cut
into her shirt exposing her breasts. She rubs her nipples with her fingers
– we watch as Jake, still in ropes, is getting more and more turned
on.
Sara lowers the chair so that Jake is at her waist level
She takes off her skirt here takes another pair of scissors and cuts a
hole in her fishnets in the back – her ass gets exposed –
she turns around and places her ass near Jakes mouth.
Sara gets her ass eaten while Jake is still tied to the chair
Sara starts to cut off more parts to his jacket - she actually is cutting
and then tearing so that all that’s left is the ROPE around his
chest but nothing else.
Sara then takes a pair of scissors and starts to cut into Jakes pants
– Jakes cock becomes exposed. Jakes cock is a harnessed cock -
Sara starts to suck Jakes cock. She is really getting into it going up
and down on the shaft with raw energy.
“I want you’re cock..” she says and jumps on top of
him and starts to ride his cock.
Jake is still tied up and cannot touch her as this is happening only watch
as she
He strains against the rope as her breasts are shoved into his face.
This position lasts for a few minutes until Sara decided to let Jake loose
She takes a pair of scissors and slowly cuts away the ropes. Jake is beyond
excited and now that he is free from the ropes grabs Sara and pushes her
down on the bed.
Sara is on her back
Her blouse has cuts she put there and he takes those holes and rips the
shirt off her.
He leans in and bites and kisses her neck and breasts
He slowly puts his cock into her pussy and starts to fuck her. He has
his hands on her thighs, pulling them apart.
Camera shots are:
Jake POV
from above
from behind Sara
after a few minutes of this position
Jake gets on his back and orders her “ride my cock”
She gets on top of his cock and they fuck this way for a few minutes
The scene ends with Jake ordering Sara on her belly
He rams his cock into her pussy and leans into her ear
“You wanna come for me?”
“Yeah” she says almost breathless
He gets himself into “doggy style” position and fucks her
until she comes.
June 23, 2005 | Permalink
Comments
I don't know Morty
Do you know how much barbeques cost?
the beer , charcol and meat alone
will raise the cost of production sky high
what about having those white plastic buckets of food and re do the setting
as a food not bombs event
you could save a lot of money that way.
June 20, 2005
Do you know how much fucking fun it is to wear head to toe pink? Here
is a photo of me looking like my age all of a sudden! Pushing thirty doesn't
feel so bad in this year in pink. I love the feeling of being seen as
the guy in pink. I love being recognized as the guy in pink and I love
people smiling at me and complimenting the outfit and maybe just maybe
going shopping and remembering to buy some outrageously bright pink thing
for their wardrobe. This was a fun weekend brought to you by the Chilean
visiting (Amelia!) and lots of drinking drinking drinking!
June 16, 2005
Good ol' bullshit
Ah well how is everyone today? I am doing fantastic lately. I was interviewed
yesterday in the park for Heeb Magazine - it's for their sex issue so
we talked about transman porn and a bit about my year in pink - I was
asked if being Jewish affects my work and if so how...after some thought
I realized that being Jew ,as fun as it is, has little do do with the
work that I am doing. I mean yes: I'm short, my name is Morty Diamond
and I do enjoy eating gefilte fish. But since I am not practicing Judaism
in my life I guess my Jewyness is more on the outside than on the inside.
Anyhow back to the performance - still wearing pink and getting a lot
of attention, the good kind, around town. Still looking for hot dates
with women who have a thing for short, Jewish transmen who make porn and
wear pink...ha! What a fucking catch!
Comments
This seems pretty cool. Can I buy you a drink?
June 15, 2005
SUNNN
Fuck its so damn HOTTT outside right now! It seems like the brightness
of the sun is so distracting to everyone because I don't get so much as
a glance lately....and I am happy about that actually.
what it allows is for me to do is focus on challenging myself to just
put on the same color day after day. I wont lie..it makes it so much easier
when nobody is bothering me..now I feel like I might jinx it and tomorrow
will get nasty attacks on the street. It becomes so personal --- I talk
myself into putting it on day after day. It really drives home the idea
behind routine and how it is a blessing and a curse. The routine of wearing
pink from day to day has had its moments of annoyance but otherwise it's
become one less thing to think about (what shall I wear today.)
I enjoy this right now. I encourage anyone out there to go monochromatic
for a day wear pink from head to toe and have fun with it!
It's hot out! I want to fuck! I want fun in the fuckin' sun!
June 13, 2005
Its a pink weekend
Gay pride, the beach, bars, bbq in the garden
and all of it wearing pink - damn though the dirt just clings to this
color! I am never looking very clean. I dont know why but I only feel
weird about the color at night. I start to want to look darker ....
June 11, 2005
sleepless....
it's 5am and so hot i cannot get to sleep! i keep having dreams about
wearing pink while swimming in a beautiful swimming pool....the pink shirt
ripples in the clear water around me. maybe i am delirious but i have
decided that i love pink and i will not cheat my way through this performance.
it's important to have this long range plan and keep to it. i don't have
pink swim shorts and i am going to the beach today! i will have to make
due for now but everything else will be pink for sure. i spent the beginning
of this performance not taking any photos but i am really sad about that
- as you can see i have the opportunity to document and yet feel strange
about it for some reason...i really don't like my picture taken. some
of you reading are saying "yeah right Morty!" but it's true!
anyhow i think it's finally time to start posting photos..i mean i want
you all to really believe this is my life in pink! in other news ....wait....
feeling tired might be able to sleep ...
xxoomorty
June 08, 2005
process.
in and out in and out -- i guess i have a hard time staying focused. hey,
i am talking about living the rest of my year in pink. like anything else
i have the ability to stop but i don't want to. so what does it matter
if a few days a week i stray and put on blue jeans? well, does it? you
know what. it does. i sat here and thought about it and decided that making
non-pink days is a classic cop out. i tried to delude myself for a second
there when i asked for people to give me the leeway to wear other colors
- now that i think about it i was just being LAZY! this is a time based
performance but at the end of the day it is a performance about WILLPOWER.
i dare you to wear one fucking color for a whole year! bet you couldn't
do it for a month. oh, you say you could? well then you got that thing
that most people don't have... the power to stick to one thing over and
over and over and over and over and over until ---
OK you get my point.
Time, strength, willpower, patience, energy, drive...and to love the process
rather than the final outcome.
June 06, 2005
So the theory goes
I did NOT wear pink to the nightclub I went to last night and got taken
home by a
beautiful girl...is a point being proven right there???
Today is a day of deciding that it's going to be ok to take small breaks
during this piece.
One day every few weeks... I think that's alright.
It's all been so easy lately that I have to start thinking of radical
things to do in my year in pink. Got any ideas?
June 06, 2005 | Permalink
Comments
recieve the sacrament of holy communion at saint patrick's cathedral
or saint Joesph's in astoria queens
Posted by: leopold krist | June 07, 2005 at 03:55 AM
woah thats a good one Lee!
I just might do it!!
June 05, 2005
a small list
1. I did not win the Lambda Literary Award I was nominated for
2. I went on a date with an amazingly hot and very smart girl
3. I still only have one pair of pink jeans
4. Some may call that disgusting
5. It is hot and sunny!
6. I see many many men wearing pink on the streets
7. I have a meeting with someone today who wants to produce my next movie
8. I actually think the next six months of wearing pink will be exciting
(the worst seems to be behind me)
9. I met Annie Sprinkle last night who told me she was excited about my
year in pink!
10. Not doing so bad considering....
June 05, 2005
Forever
Yes i know its taken forever to me to get back to blogging -- but you
know what i am still wearing pink (even on a date!) and its getting better
- i dont get bullshit on the street anymore! we have the sun to thank
for that.
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