March

March 19, 2005
GogoboysThere are few things i love more than watching go go boys...dance

I have been very lazy with this blog lately - give me a few days to get back into the swing of things - the mix festival is eating all my energy up (but in a good way...for the most part)
Mortywatchingthis is me watching go go boys get naked on the bar...

Mortyandhelenme and helen...

Comments
i miss you morty.
i like your pics.
lazy saturday in santiago: hangover, arabic food for lunch, trying clothes with ari and julia, pot, and now back to work. getting ready for big party tonight. wanna come?
Posted by: amelia | March 19, 2005 at 06:12 PM

March 12, 2005
click here to View this photo of heather and i having a bit of fun at the on our backs party at toys in babeland.
heather giving me a sniff....
my roommate jennyrose pretending to lavish me with her love..
Well today i am stuck at the mix festival offices doing god awful tedious work - and i have a fucking hangover!
In other news - yes pink news -
Lets talk about shoes for a second -- i have been wearing a non-pink pair of sneakers for a few days - it's still my usual pink attire just dark colored sneakers and its amazing how the sneakers can pull the look together in such a way where you have passed that mark of going to far with the look.. what i am trying to say is people give me much harsher looks when i am in pink sneaker territory - it's almost like once it goes completely head to toe it reaches this new height of freakyness. do you look at people and the footwear they are wearing? I just didnt know how many people actually bother to look all the way down and back up.
The mix festival office is downtown - near wall street and on the weekends its jam packed full of tourists and i got to see the most hilarious thing today - it was a group of about 30 people - from teenagers to grandmothers and they were all wearing bright fucking yellow jackets and blue ski hats - all of them - as i got closer to them i noticed all of the jackets had their names sewn into the chest area and the blue ski hat on each person said "new york"
they looked at me and i looked at them and it was an interesting moment (i am wearing pink sneakers today, pink pants, sweater, scarf..) because we had the same reactions which was "what the fuck..." looking behind me i noticed the back of the yellow jackets said "New York Tour 2005 - The Swanson Family" - I am NOT joking! And I caught one of the teenagers taking a picture of me!

Comments i saw these awesome pink sneakers with bright green piping that you should check out if you feel like adding another pink footwear option... they were that brand kangaroos or whatever that used to (and maybe still does) have that little velcro pocket on the side, i'm not too savvy with the footwear brands. wait i'll look it up
http://www.zappos.com/n/p/dp/3720763/c/13960.html
Posted by: sady | March 14, 2005 at 02:15 PM

I am trying to picture this encounter and I just can't quite do it. It sounds pretty hilarious though.
I'm so glad I'm not a member of the sort of family who would do that...
Posted by: Claire | April 11, 2005 at 09:12 AM

March 10, 2005
JT Leroys new movie
I just saw JT Leroy and Asia Argentos new movie the heart is deceitful above all things east coast premiere and let me tell you - it's nothing short of amazing. go see it when it comes to your town.

March 10, 2005
well wishers and bunny suits
It's like wearing a bunny suit - no, it really is! Bright pink and the snow and ...I dont know it's just that i feel like a bunny rabbit. The dark feelings that most people get consumed by with the winter being so long and cold makes it more interesting...not only am I NOT getting shit on the street lately (who can bother with that stuff when your freezing your ass off) but I am now just stared at almost in awe on the train and other public places -- like they cant believe I could wear such a loud, and to some obnoxious, color
it's great! Can pink feel zen? I feel very centered today (please let this last..)
and pink is feeling like the word "growth"
I urge those on the east coast dealing with the nasty weather to wear a bright color from head to toe. See where that takes you mentally.
AND -- I thank ALL OF YOU for the well wishes. It amazes me what this performance is doing in terms of making people think, react, confront and realize.

March 08, 2005
Whats a transman to do - other than watch porn...
how can you just walk away from me - just let you leave without a trace - when i stand here taking every breath with you...you're the only one who really knew me at all....so take a look at me now ..there's just an empty face ..and there's nothing left here to remind me - just a memory of your face
---Have you heard the Postal Service (band) version of this Phil Collins song? It's so amazing - and I burned it and played the song for my co-workers and about three of them now ask to hear the song at least once during our shift. It's really beautiful - Click here to watch the video or listen to a clip of the song.
Now, the cheesy part is that during my "down period" last week I listened to the song a lot - but I'm past that hurt and when I hear the song I am reminded of that week and irritated... slightly ...it's still a good song...
it's snowing. but i am fighting the winter depression ... by actually working hard at not being depressed. that means keeping myself occupied with work and masturbation...lots of both...
oh, right you want to know something about the performance??? well.... I have been talking a lot about being trans to many people around me ... a large part due to the fact that I am teaching a trans workshop at toys in babeland in a few months.. and its making me reevaluate what "trans" means to me. "Am I a boy or a girl?" I still do ask myself this question but not in this basic way... it's more like I am asking myself why I choose to use the word "transman" to describe myself. Main reason being that I do not identify totally as "male" - and I really don't identify as "female" --- and I really don't know where I fit in in terms of gender categories - all signs point to my lack of desire toward evaluating my gender in these terms .. and possibly ever having to live up to what a man is (and that changes from person to person... including those who were assigned female at birth) the basics are I think of my gender as fluid as the way I am in bed -- I am not a top, bottom, or switch for that matter. I am just a person who likes having sex... in many ways. In bed I like inhabiting many different genders - and depending on my mood I am the guy, the girl, the faggot, the giver, the taker, the fantasy, the messenger, the doer, the guy on my back, the person who isn't afraid to act like she likes it... all of those things and more. This living in pink is really life affirming in that it gives me pleasure knowing I can inhabit this earth and change perceptions. And I do. Even if I have to wade through the bullshit, name calling crap. It's the same in my personal life ...most have never dated someone as mutable as me. Most have also never come across a guy in head to toe pink!
--MD--

Comments
hey morty
i really like that second to last sentence
'This living in pink is really life affirming in that it gives me pleasure knowing I can inhabit this earth and change perceptions. And I do. Even if I have to wade through the bullshit, name calling crap.'
it gave me a really great visual flash on how your year in pink is a microcosism of our experance as trans
it's kinda like your taking the daily experience of going through the world as trans
and condensing it into an extreme act of wearing pink on the streets of nyc.
the reactions that you are experiancing on a daily basis is similar to the the imagined and actual public reaction to our gender. and while this seems obvious it kinda feels like a big invitation to for people to fuck with you cause you've gone to far morty diamond wearing pink head to toe.
another thing i though of is how the wearing pink is a way for you to tap into a lost apparence of being visualy gender queer. now that you are the hot jewish bearded fellow and are no longer androgenous
your going into the world wearing only pink could be a recreation of your pre hormone experiance as trans.
this is something
somewhat difiant as a transguy
i personally don't want people to look at me any more and question my gender i'm tired of it and i look forward to the day where i can be invisible and just fade into wood work
no questions
no more
fears
it's nothing i'm proud of I'm just tired
the only thing that i'm worried about is that throught it all i'm going to lose more than a sense of good queer fashion?
keep up the good work morty
I swear
your blog is better than friendster
Posted by: leopold krist | March 08, 2005 at 08:58 PM

morty--
i am inspired by this project of yours...i think your execution of it is breath-taking, and i admire all the intro- and extrospection it has caused you to do.
i myself have recently embarked on a more surreptitious project, a guerrilla publishing project, where i'm spreading my own art sneakily and under the radar. :) i just started documenting it in my own blog (in between some other, sillier shit) if you're interested... (brandnewmonkey.blogspot.com)
sorry for any past drama or angst, morty. truce?
-eden
Posted by: eden | March 09, 2005 at 01:57 PM

March 07, 2005
Halfway there ...
Whats new? I am having a small bout of insomnia. Actually it starts with a really vivid dream that i wake up from inevitably before the break of dawn. They aren't necessarily bad dreams just really full, lucid dreams. I guess some of you don't know (and I am not sure how this even connects with the pink project) but I had a recent parting of ways with the person I was dating. Last week was rough - I felt rough! I mean I was drinking every night! Not good...I was also not wearing pink all the time... I was slowly sinking but I have come back! And I am wearing pink again - I have been tinkering with ideas since I am going to perform a piece based on my year in pink for the mix festival. I hope many of you can make it! Come to NYC! April 6th through the 12th! I want to start doing yoga! Let the hippie loose! Fuck it, I eat brown rice and vegetables and I'm not afraid to admit it...
and a quick thank you to those people who have been emailing me wishing me luck with this project. YES - Pink for a year! Play along at home.
--MD--

Comments
I can't believe my yoga shit wore off on you! Come with us on Friday.
Posted by: kris | March 08, 2005 at 11:10 AM

March 06, 2005
I am just ...really turned on right now... for some reason .... and i need to fix that. sometimes i wish i could have really casual sex like meet someone randomly at a bar and take them home...but that never happens. not here in new york. not to this transman.

Comments
i´ve been having dreams about casual random sex. the other night i dreamt i was at the olympics opening ceremony in new york city, it was packed, but it looked more like gay parade than the olympics. i was on the back of this huge truck that was part of the parade and i was waving. then this woman came to me and we started making out and then having sex and we didn´t mind that everybody was looking. it was refreshing. i woke up happy. will something like this ever happen in real life? adios.
Posted by: amelia | March 07, 2005 at 12:38 PM

I fucking love you amelia! That dream is amazing.
Posted by: Morty | March 07, 2005 at 10:42 PM

March 05, 2005
Straying ....
Is it OK to stray once or twice a month? If I put on an outfit that has very little pink in it so i can go out the reason is because I want to get hit on by women as well as men... seems like when I am wearing only pink women dont even give me a second glance... and I can feel it - I am a sexy guy! I have one thing already against me which is that I am short - lots of women dont like short guys... ok fine I dont need a woman who is going to judge me on my stature..but the pink thing is different. I know that when I am in pink I get called a faggot on the street - I look...extra gay? Maybe that its also pink on a little man...
Its just the way many (not all) people think about masculinity - I am not masculine enough to wear all pink and get seen as straight .... this gets even more confusing when we bring in the transgender thing. I am not a man, and not a woman. When I am with somebody sexually there needs to be an understanding about this - and yeah, there are very few one night stands in my life.
So I see a girl at a party and want to say hello but I know what she is thinking - "fag with a good outfit on"
so I am going to get dressed tonight when I go out and I am NOT going to wear pink!!
This is JUST A TEST.... I want to get laid.

Comments
So I see a girl at a party
what about the others? :)
Posted by: oscar de franco | March 31, 2007 at 05:57 AM

I fucking love you amelia! That dream is amazing.
Posted by: Morty | March 07, 2005 at 10:42 PM

March 04, 2005
This is going to make you nauseous!
This will make you SICK... Its an article about a sheriff named Arpaio that uses pink boxers and pink handcuffs to intimidate prisoners in an Arizona prison...this asshole has even wrote a book about his intimidation tactics. This, folks, is what..is the whole process of bullshit that makes me continue to wear pink..my hands were sweating when I read about him (there is a lot of stuff about him online) it just makes me scared --- how can this man DO THIS! Get away with it! Doesnt anyone consider this akin to the fucking pink triangles that the nazis used to put on the gay prisoners in the concentration camps! No - nobody is putting two and two together like that!! Its absolute crazyness... I still cant believe this kind of shit goes on in the year 2005!! And although some people might be mad how come it mostly goes unnoticed!
Please read about this fucker and lets talk about this!
This is important! Its meaningful to all of us that want to rid ourselves of gender boundaries!!

March 04, 2005
Hell fucking yeah!
Fuck! Today I feel amazingly good - I woke up and listened to happy music and stretched and got myself out of bed in this beautiful mood. I am going to try to keep this feeling for a long time - this actually feels more like a drug than drinking or drugs (oh holy shit that was SUPER cheesy- but true!) I am walking down the street today with people staring at me and one guy says "Oh no you did int' ---" and it made me laugh really hard! Am I going crazy - YES I am! But in a fantastic way! I have some amazing projects that I have been putting on hold that I want to get started on again. And I have been shunning my friends through all this not feeling well..so today is a great fucking day! and theres more
soon....
He

Comments
hey morty
i am so glad you're doing well!!!
i love you BUT tuesday night i have an ffe meeting..i can't do "it" with you that means
ughhh
jamye
Posted by: jamye | March 04, 2005 at 03:46 PM

March 03, 2005
All pink
This is a photo of a girl I met who was in head to toe pink - including shoes - nice to know some people do that sort of thing without it being an art project.... Pinkys

Comments
and nice that people think of you everytime they see someone in a lot of pinkPosted by: Sady | March 09, 2005 at 08:30 PM

March 03, 2005
The ma'am / sir thing / nightmares
MaamI am walking down the street wearing all pink - its fucking cold outside so i have a pink scarf tied around the lower part of my face. I guess if you had to make an assumption on my gender you'd say female - only because of the color.
"Ma'am! Your wallet is hanging out of your pants!"
"Oh, thanks."
But then she realizes the "mistake" and gives me this look of absolute fear! "oh my god your not a woman!"
OH MY GOD run for your LIFE! There is a man in pink walking the streets of Bushwick!
A few blocks later (yes only minutes later...) a man asks me for change
"Ma'am, could you spare me... "
And then YES the reveal that in fact I am not a woman
"Oh, shit sorry dude...why you wearin' pink?"
I know I wont answer the question but what kind of question is that!
I just glare at him and he walks away.
I know many people think I may not make a whole year looking like this ... and it always brings up the issue of safety and fear and prejudice and bodily harm and..and..and
The sort of crazy thing is right now I could give a shit... the day started out fucked up with horrible nightmares about the girl I used to date during the night. I woke up in a heavy state of emotional confusion that sort of went like this. "Why am I awake?"
"Maybe I should try to go back to sleep (it is 12:30pm by now.)"
"I'm depressed." "I want a doughnut." "Oh look someone is calling me."
Shake myself out of it long enough to get showered and dressed - go get the harassment on the street I wrote about above and then go to the mix festival office to do work. Here I am - and I ate a doughnut....didn't help much.

March 02, 2005
Well, you asked
Its true OK I am not feeling well -- I cant decide if its the type of thing where I should not blog and just wait to let it pass - or just go ahead and blog and just get it out there ... I am having a hard time getting motivated to go to Vermont for the maggots and men shoot - right now my friend Oakie is calling me asking me to come and my heart is just not there ... matter of fact nothing is really "there" right now - I slept late today and that was nice -- I have to just relax, but I don't know ...the perfect panacea - the right means of medicating -- the road to wellness starts with...... I know that many people (friends) are depressed right now ...my heart says "go have wild sex, or get wasted and do something psychotic" but my body says "shut up"
this has very little to do with pink - or does it??? Its always around -- I get into my outfit and right now it just feels like a good thing that its one less thing to worry about (choosing what to wear) but then a possible bad thing (please nobody pay attention to me today) -

March 01, 2005
Ask me...
The snow melts, and so does my heart. Sorry - there was a cheesy spell there... I am enjoying "depressed" as opposed to "happy" - Something will shift and I will feel better - its just not right now.
Did you know there is a sheriff in Arizona who runs a prison and some of this tactics to keep the inmates in line is to make the male inmates wear pink handcuffs and pink outfits! I am researching this guy so more on him later....
Also - I am leaving to go to Vermont for a few days to help my friend shoot a film. Here is the link to the website all about it Maggots and Men
More later, perhaps...
Morty

Comments
you're going to that shoot? i was contacted thru friendster--oh f-ster, where would the world be without it?--to maybe go, but i couldn't due to far-awayness and work/school.
also, TRANNYFAGS came up in conversation at a get-together i was at last week.
anyway, keep up the good work!
Posted by: shannon | March 01, 2005 at 11:21 PM

you're going to that shoot? i was contacted thru friendster--oh f-ster, where would the world be without it?--to maybe go, but i couldn't due to far-awayness and work/school.
also, TRANNYFAGS came up in conversation at a get-together i was at last week.
anyway, keep up the good work!
Posted by: shannon | March 01, 2005 at 11:22 PM