November 29, 2005
"I'm beginning to believe that one of the last frontiers left for radical gesture is the imagination." --- David Wojnarowicz
Inside my imagination is a world where male and female does not exist.
I want to be able to take the world inside my head and find it here, somewhere on this planet.
Don't we all want to just be loved for who we are, not what we are?
November 29, 2005 | Permalink | Comments (0)

Am I a "real man"? - No I'm not and I never wanted to be anyhow.
Am I a man to most people who see me on the street? - Yes
What is it like to walk on the Earth as a woman for 23 years and then as a man for the past 7? - Fucking strange, exciting, scary, and thought provoking
What is it like to wear pink for a year? Umm, just like transitioning actually: strange, excitingm scary, and thought provoking
I've been single for sometime now and I wonder if I'm going to get more attention from women when I stop wearing pink all the time. How is my life going to change when I leave the pink outfits behind...?

November 28, 2005
party time
Hey you - yes you reading my blog. if you're queer and/or queer friendly feel free to come!
Serious dance party on Saturday night (the 3rd) at my house
I got some dj equipment and I'm gonna spin some crazy ass dance shit so prepare to get a little tipsy and dance your ass off! Bring all your friends, I live in a big space that can handle lots of people.
Drinks will be provided...I'm getting some cheap vodka, and whiskey but feel free to bring more
Oh and snacks too
All you gotta do is get here!
1083 Broadway between Malcom X and DeKalb
J train to Kosciusko
If you need more directions email or call me
917-331-2614
What time? You know, around 10/11pm

November 24, 2005
yo happy thanksgiving. man, i am so close to being fed up with wearing pink...but hey, its almost done. let me tell ya'll whats up with me and my life? I stopped taking testosterone and now feel officially like a gender freak. I love it, I am by no means saying 'gender freak' in a negative way, quite the opposite actually. I've got a beard, I've got a surgically sculpted chest and a pussy...I feel very complete, as complete as I have ever felt in my life. The testosterone was never a big thing in my life anyhow. I was always on a low dose, so quitting it wasn't such a big deal. The biggest difference is -DO NOT READ THIS PART IF YOU ARE FAMILY OR DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT SUPER PERSONAL THINGS ABOUT ME - my cock...my cock or what was once my clit..it used to get super duper hard ons and now although it does get hard its not quite as hard as it used to be. whatever. I am enjoying being off the T. I just didn't know how long I could inject myself with this pharmaceutical stuff...it has a lot to do with how I feel about the pharmaceutical companies. Yes its helped me transform my body but I knew I didn't want to take it any longer than necessary. So off the T I guess I got a little more estrogen running through my system than usual. Which could explain the crying fits. Ha ha.
half man! half woman! gender is such bullshit

Comments
Man thats great about you, How you deal about your body and your mind, I really believe you are one of the ones!
Waht a powerfull creature society has created in you!
Love you too much.
Posted by: Cobra | November 29, 2005 at 12:43 PM

November 23, 2005
my god that was a close call! these past few days i really felt like i was slipping into some sort of mental breakdown. i am pretty lucky to have good friends around me who can put me back into a positive mind frame but not just that i feel really lucky that i allow myself the opportunity to feel low and fucked up. lets face it, too many times we simply don't allow ourselves the moment to feel pain, hurt, anger or any other emotion that isn't happiness. i tried to live that life, I'll tell you i tried to live that life a lot maybe a year ago. before the performance piece. i don't even think it was a conscious effort, i remember just forgetting, simply forgetting all the things that made me sad or hurt. but the truth is you cant make yourself forget how you feel about something, it always always always comes back to haunt you...even if its years later. this performance piece....has allowed me a certain leeway with myself. sort of unconsciously i started to understand that i was beginning a new understanding, foraging a new bond to my emotions. now i see how its all turned out. i cry all the time now. i am not afraid to admit that i am a very emotional person. fuck, for so long i thought that was a bad thing, but its not. i let myself feel pretty low, depressed, sad...all of it so i can get it out there "on the table" as i like to say. now i feel better. much better. OK by the way i just read Annie Sprinkles book Post Porn Modernist - this book is amazing and all of you should go out there and buy it. Annie Sprinkle is what i aspire to be - strong, courageous, funny, articulate, a great performer, sweet (I met her once), creative, and just works it, she just works life, you know, to her advantage...she takes all of her experiences,the good and the bad, and fucking writes a performance about it. a true original, and really inspiring.

November 21, 2005
right now i am having what could be deemed a nervous breakdown....let me try to compose myself a little bit before i write down what i am feeling...

Comments
hang in there morty...life is full of unexpected turns and you just have to take it all in stride. your work is inspirational and feels like the most real thing i've seen someone do in a long time.
Posted by: kate | November 21, 2005 at 09:42 PM

Baby pink thing, I wish I was there rigth in the moment of your sulkneess to catch you in my arms.
Posted by: Cobra | November 29, 2005 at 12:49 PM

November 18, 2005
Pink2_051same outfit - different day
sarah lawrence workshop went so well! i spoke mostly about being trans and then we saw a lot of transman porn. students were very receptive.
plus my cold is going away. i had a great nights sleep. but the strange thing is i've been crying a decent amount before actually heading off to sleep. matter of fact i have cried more these last few months than i have in years. wait, did you all know that i am in the throes of my "saturn return"? well i am. and you know what...it really is what they all say. very intense.
xomorty

Comments
Hi! I first heard about you through Giovanna Chesler's "Period: the End of Menstruation?" film. I loved your story, and I searched the g6 pictures site to find you. I believe that what you are doing is wonderful. You are a beautiful person! I shall subscribe to your blog. I'd love to read about your daily life. Oh, and, by the way, you should try to do a workshop at Chatham College in Pittsburgh, PA. The girls here would love you! You would have a great time here. The people are lovely, and you'd get great reception.!
Take care! *^_^*
~Meghan
Posted by: Meghan | November 18, 2005 at 08:18 PM

November 17, 2005
so here i am - i am actually very sick today but i'm trying to fool myself that i'm not because i have to teach students about tranny porn at sarah lawrence college tonight! fuck, i hate having a cold. i really really hate it. i feel like someone is smothering me with a feather duster. anyway this photo is from last night. i am going to take a nap now. and no nothing could be less exciting than morty diamond with a cold, wearing pink....
xomorty

November 14, 2005
today i was listening to elliott smith and i thought how he'd probably really like the fact that i was walking around in pink for a whole year....

Someone found the future as a statue in a fountian at attention looking
backward in a pool of water wishes witha blue songbird on his shoulder who
keeps singing over everything
Everything Means Nothing to Me
Everything Means Nothing to Me
Everything Means Nothing to Me
i picked up the song and found my picture in the paper the reflection in the
water showed an iron man still trying to salute people from a time when he was
everything hes supposed to be
Everything Means Nothing to Me
Everything Means Nothing to Me
Everything Means Nothing to Me
Everything Means Nothing to Me
Elliott Smith

Comments
My but what long hair you have. Thinking of you. very proud. XO R
Posted by: R | November 14, 2005 at 03:50 PM

November 12, 2005
lonleyness.
I have been sitting here contemplating how this feeling relates to this piece and my life lately. I have been trying to stay true to my year in pink these last few weeks of the performance and what I have noticed, the routine is that I need at least one day inside my house, by myself, to recharge and reflect on what the hell has been going on in my life
I have to alternate between the person, the performance, that is the man in pink, with the person, the fragile soul, which is one Morty Diamond.
This year has been one long fucking year full of mayhem, making amends, intense thoughts, pink, love, the death of love, and mending of hearts. There have been some fantastic moments where I would be standing on a random street with a friend and think to myself that I never wanted the moment to end. There have been other moments where I had to practically had to run home, with cars chasing after me screaming 'hey faggot! we're gonna kick your ass!'
Plain and simple, I cannot stand living in this world and I can't stand the atrocities that go on around me, not just in Brooklyn, but all around the world. What is there to hold on to? What exactly is it that I am living for? I have had to start at square one a few times this year. I have to start from a place of love and get excited to get up out of bed and do something amazing.
When I get up and put on my pink outfit I am reminding myself to get the hell up and go do something great. Make friends with my demons, prove to myself over and over that I am bigger than fear, and that going outside in this bright, cold sunlight won't hurt me.
This city is not very good at making one feel safe and so we walk around with huge walls hidden underneath our eyelids. I stand on a street corner in the East Village and recall standing there with someone special, feeling there fingers intertwined with mine. Those moments always feel so fleeting, and I still cant understand why. I guess it makes no difference, the point is I am standing there, thinking of the memory, it's beautiful, and I feel calm. When I am finished with wearing pink I can stand on the same street corner and feel almost apart of the landscape, but for now I stick out like a "sore thumb". Some guy walks up to me and asks "Hey, nice outfit, where'd you get those pink jeans?" I tell him how I've dyed the whole outfit and a little about my performance piece and he smiles "Wow, You really made my day." and he walks away. I'm staring now at the pink jeans and, fuck if I don't feel a little weepy.
xomorty

November 11, 2005
it was a fun night - i had an interview on OutQ radio (a Sirius radio talk show) where I talked about living in pink. There were some callers, men mostly,who told stories about wearing pink and as it turns out gay men seem to be less likely to wear pink if they feel like they live in a place where being gay is considered a crime, like the bible belt. i also had a talk with my psychic Jessica Lanyadoo (www.lovelanyadoo.com) and she told me a lot of great stuff, namely that this year coming up is supposed to be one of my most career boosting years ever. that's exciting. the pink thing is going to end and then i will be working on a performance based on my experience. i have already thought of my next living performance piece and think i might have already mentioned it but its going to be a 6 month piece where i take photographs - two photos during every hour that i am awake,the first photo documenting my surroundings and the second documenting my face/body. what i like about this idea is that it allows to get a stronger idea of what living is like - what it means to be alive - plus i see it as a way to accept the full spectrum of each part to my life - the boring shit the embarrassing shit, you know?
xomorty

November 10, 2005
photos of friends - I am pretty much always wearing this pink sweatshirt now that its officially cold...and trust me when i say the rest of the outfit is pink in these photos. xomorty
Morty_039 Morty_008 Morty_027

Comments
such a cool picture of charlotte and you. i miss you both a lot.
Posted by: amelia | November 12, 2005 at 08:53 AM

November 10, 2005
here i am having dinner with...
this person, who happens to be my wonderful friend and ex-girlfriend kris alexanderson. so now you know.

November 05, 2005
BED!
People! Today I got a new bed! Yeah yeah I know that's not why you're here reading this blog...all you want to know is if wearing pink for a year can cause irreparable
damage to the nervous system right? anyhow I have been sleeping on this teeny tiny bed that came with the room that I have now been renting for a year and one month (since breaking up with my ex kris (who i love to death) and moving out of our (now her) apartment)
Let me just say that sleeping on that little thing for a whole year really sucked and I'm happy to have room to spread myself out! Not to mention trying to have sex on a bed meant for only one person is just crazy, or cozy depending on how you look at it.
Ok more photos are coming....soon.
xoxomorty

November 02, 2005
Hawaii004 snorkeling.
Today was spent inside working. So not much to comment on. I am going to be on the Derek and Romaine Radio Show on Thursday November 10th at 7pm - They are on Sirius Radio, click here to find out how to listen. We are going to talk about my year in pink so that'll be a lot of fun. Then November 17th I am headed to Sarah Lawrence College to speak to the students about trans stuff.
xxxmorty

November 01, 2005
Well, here I am, back in New York City. I turned 30 on the beautiful island of Kauai with my family Oct. 28th. Man, that is one gorgeous place. The water is crystal blue the sky is clear the people are lovely and the food is amazing. I had a lot of time to think and reflect on so much while I was gone. I implore anyone and everyone reading this to take the time to sit by yourself, relax, and just think - let thoughts come to you - all of the stuff that feels bad and hurtful, let it come to you and let it in so that you can let it go. I had a few nights of tears...there is immense silence at night on the island - hearing the crickets chirp outside made me weep, watching the sun rise made me weep, listening to my sisters kid cry in the morning till he got held made me weep. Hell, even turning on the tv and watching court tv made me weep (thankfully I limited myself to very few tv hours). Getting out of New York is jarring at first and then once I started to feel relaxed and sort of reconnect with myself I just started to feel raw. very raw.
I put on my pink outfits but they didnt stay on too long because I was at the beach in trunks most of my days. At night I got some cute stares from local children but other than that nobody really cared what this visitor was wearing. The performance took a backseat as I got to get to know my family after not really seeing them for years in any long stretch of time.
That was great. More than great actually it was perfect.
Hawaii made me lose some of my armor so it was even more jarring to come back to New York City and jump on the subway and see all these faces looking at me. Pink jeans and a pink sweater and almost home when this guy sits next to me and says "What kind of faggot outfit is that?"
He he. Alright. I'm home. I love you New York. You really work my nerves.
Next --
Guy on the train today looks me straight in the face and says this:
"Ka ka. I love that word. ka ka. You know how some kids first word is mommy or daddy? well my first word was ka ka. In highschool, man, you could not conversate with me without hearing me say that word at least once. Ka ka. I'm 27 and I still like sayin' it. I know its immature.
But its not gonna stop me, know what I'm sayin', it aint gonna stop me one bit.
I just like sayin; it. Ka ka!"
(this is verbatim. I wrote it down)
Why was this man in my face saying this to me? One will never know.

Comments

Happy birthday!! At least there's some sun still left...XO R
Posted by: Ruthie | November 02, 2005 at 01:03 PM

so beautiful to have the time and appreciate it.
"Moment after moment the life flows on.
Moment after moment the life keeps on passing away.
Make use of every moment."
SN Goenka
www.dhamma.org
Posted by: jwu | November 04, 2005 at 12:15 PM